Friday Aug 06, 2021
Better Relationships Start with Better Communication | Top 5 Skills You Need
Do you argue or communicate?
Being an effective communicator is not something you just KNOW how to do. You have to learn those skills and most of us don't. Many of us were not modeled effective communication in our homes, or even schools and workplaces, so it's no wonder we struggle with it now.
When I was a couples therapist for a while I kept seeing communication break down in the SAME patterns in almost EVERY relationship. In this episode I'm going to share those top 5 patterns and the 5 skills you need to develop in order to overcome them. And these skills don't just apply to your marriage, these 5 communication skills will help you in every conversation in every relationship.
The 5 skills are:
- Preparation: in order to be an effective communicator you have to be SUPER clear on your own thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. BEFORE going into the conversation. I give you my whole system for clarity before the conversation happens
- Listen more than you speak: to be an effective communicator you have to be an effective listener and truly seek to understand (though not necessarily agree with) the other person. Listening is a skill, I'll teach you how.
- Ask more than you tell: asking good questions is the KEY to being a good communicator. Communicating is not just expressing how YOU feel, it's about understanding and having empathy for how the other person feels. My main job as a therapist was asking good questions, I'll teach you how to as well.
- Don't attack or blame or guilt trip: I saw this so much in couples therapy. You need to go into a conversation with the assumption that the other person had and has good intentions.
Your communication STYLE also matters - are you aggressive, assertive, passive or passive aggressive? We'll discuss all of these, and I'm going to call you out a bit on being passive or passive aggressive and how to recognize that.
- Check your vibes: if the other person doesn't want to talk, you might need to check the energy you're approaching with. So often I see people trying to approach a conversation with the body language of "I've already decided you're guilty, let's talk about everything you did wrong!" No one is going to want to participate in that conversation.
If there's ANYONE in your life that you struggle to effectively communicate with, I PROMISE this episode will shed some light for you on WHY it's a struggle and what to do about it.
If anything in this episode resonated with you, I'd LOVE to hear about it! Send me a DM on Instagram or post a screenshot of this episode in your stories and tag me @tarafaulmann! And join the conversation in our FREE No Nonsense Wellness Community!
XOXO
Tara
Show Notes and Full Transcript:
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If you found value in today's episode, please take a minute to drop me a review on iTunes. I am so grateful for all of you and hearing from you absolutely lights me up!
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